A learning Curve

I live faster then anyone can follow, I have always been working on to many things at the same time. I want to progress, I have a lack of patience with progress. I have never done one single job, I think I always had 2 full-time jobs at the same time or 1 job doing double hours. I tend to be absorbed, I run passed myself. I often fall because I am running to hard.

I always fall, because I want to much, to quick. I have hurt myself a millions times by running myself over. (in Dutch: jezelf voorbijlopen)

( one example is getting pregnant before even living in the same country with the man I fell in love with, another was literally biking to fast and falling, resulting in 2 nose jobs, jaw bone replacement, and tooth implants – phew very grateful with the Social Security system in my home country)

I write as I speak (definitely in English, which is not my native tongue), as I have this image in my head that I do not have time to write properly. That I need to work hard and fast to achieve something. But I stumble once and a while. Once I am running, I can not stop. It takes over.

Today I stumbled again with words. I had upset several people, whom I do not really know, incidentally, while I actually meant something really nice. My sincere apologies, as you perceived it personal, perceived it as a negative comment on a piece of your work. This was not intentional. I wanted you to know I am touched by reading all your stories. I am overwhelmed. I am excited. I like you all. And I must choose.

I never expected that many applications, so I did not expect to have to make such difficult decisions. Overwhelmed really seams to be the key word here.

All my life I am running, running for progress, hoping to make my mum proud and make her approve.  Yet, all she said was to stop running, to calm down.  She was to occupied for positive affirmations with her own life path.  And together with my father, compliments for a young girl growing up, died at the age of 10.  My mum died May 18th 2012, now I have to tell myself to calm down and have to learn to approve of myself, and accept who I am, progress or not. I need to accept I can not achieve the same as before being a mum.

I need to spend more time with my little one. The race to make someone proud or approve is over.  I can read the appreciation on my daughter’s face, no-one has to tell me, I just have to look better.


This said, I will temper my excitement by having all those applications already and follow the advice of a blogger: Wait for FURTHER  selections which are not confirmed yet. And select more reviewers only in two weeks time as I originally planned for, as probably most people are postponing applications till after the Easter Holiday (weekend).  Closing the applications on April 14th that means.

My apologies to everyone I have ever hurt in my life.

I will be taking time off this weekend and will do my best not to be working on the site or applications. Having a big week ahead with the biggest ever* Haba delivery coming in!

* In the Toadstool’s short history.


3 responses to “A learning Curve

  1. Real life is worth far more than any theoretical discussion or laboratory experiment – and it makes far more interesting reading.
    I hope you had a really good weekend off. I certainly have – despite the fact my littlest one is now suffering from his chicken pox and kept me up all last night!
    Slowing down sometimes is a good thing, it also lets us have a look around and see things we might otherwise have missed :) x


    • I know I am sharing really personal stories on my blog. Not sure if I should with business, but this is me. I have always been an open book.
      We all read so many things about research of parenting styles and the effects on psychology later on in life, but I have not come across real life examples being published. Thus I am sharing the effects it had on me. I hope I make a case with my blog in favor of mother and children bonding and the importance of it. I want to write it off, so I can move on, which I am trying hard, but something was missing. I now know, it is the airing out part, the speaking about it.


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