The Prompt: The mistakes I make

I might join in with the Prompt once and while. Mum Turned Mom Blog sets a weekly topic for a word driven post, this weeks being The Mistakes I make.
The mistakes I make are very much trust related. Those who are supposed to be closest to you hurt you most and my biggest mistake so far must have been to force myself to trust after cheating. For those new to my story, the father of our toddler showed signs of cheating during my pregnancy as from the 2nd month onwards. At 4 months he broke up as I had more and more evidence of him spending time -and lieing about it- with his roommate in London (we were doing long distance at the time, me working in Belgium, he in London).
At 8 months of pregnancy he came back, claiming he only kissed the 11 year older woman only once. We got back together and the six months following the birth the true story came to the surface. He lived and managed a household together with her, they went traveling etc etc. Meanwhile he was a good and charming father I decided to push through all my pain and sacrifice everything to try and be with the father of my child. 3 years later (june 2014) he decided he wasn’t interested in having a family anymore.
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conversation with the toddler 8 october 2014
The toddler and I are talking about school and her classmates.
Me: “It’s important that you are nice to all the children in your class, not just a few as you will be in this school for a long time and all mommy’s best friends were people she went to school with. Like An., So., Sa., …. but you don’t know Sa.”
She: “yes I know Sa,. we slept there when I was 2 years old” – indeed half year ago!
Me: “Yes it’s been a long time since we saw Sa. .”
She: “We must invite her when we are in the new house, so we can see her again. …. Does Sa. have a daddy to live with her?”
Me: “No Sa. does not live with her daddy anymore, not everyone has their father in their life or where they live.”
She: ” But I saw Ma.’s daddy, he has a daddy”
Me: “Yes. That is the friend of Sa., and together they have baby Ma.”
She: “Mommy does my Daddy have friends?”
Me: “Not so many anymore as he was not very nice to them and they did not approve how he treated mommy” – true btw
She: “But Mommy, what about daddy’s lady friend?”
Me (very calm as it doesn’t really surprise me): “Which lady friend?”
She: “The lady that visited when you were working in the Bratislava” – the two months before the break I was traveling to Bratislava for 3 days in a row, a couple of times for a consultancy job.
Me: “Did you like her?”
She: “No I was shy and I had to go to bed and daddy was stroking her”
Then the conversation went on about friendships. And to be honest I am not the slightest surprised about what she revealed today. Things felt weird at home anyway, and it doesn’t hurt me either. I honestly believe I stopped loving him the day he broke up. But what a jerk to even bring someone to my own home!
So the mistakes I made and the lesson learned:
Never ever trust or forgive a man who once cheated.
mumturnedmom
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7 responses to “The Prompt: The mistakes I make

  1. I am so sorry that you went through this, and how awful to find out about that visit from your daughter. And, shame on him for putting her in that position. This was his mistake, not yours, although I can completely understand you feeling at fault for trusting, to be let down again. But, I truly hope that you can trust again, sometimes we have to take a leap, tempered by the lessons we have learnt. Thank you so much for sharing with #ThePrompt, lovely to have you join us, I hope you will again x

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  2. It sounds like you and your daughter are much better off with him out of your life. And you’re right – when someone’s cheated once they really have destroyed the trust a relationship is based on. It’s always much easier to accept that with hindsight though, as my own experience has taught me too… X

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  3. How absolutely heart breaking for you and your daughter. I hope that one day you meet someone that restores your faith in the male species, but until then, enjoy being your own support network and love each other xxxx

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  4. Hmm, sounds like he was a cheater for life – pity any woman he settles on because I guess it’s true, once a cheat, always a cheat. You shouldn’t feel like it’s your mistake though for being trusting, he is the one who is making all the mistakes in life. I hope you can find a better man or just happiness as a single mum – and I know it’s a horrendous cliche but ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ – so this experience, whilst still obviously raw, will shape you and help you to be a wiser (not less trusting) person in the long run. X #theprompt

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